On Giving Advice
3:13 PM |
| Wyatt Center at Vanderbilt University, May 14th 2016. Photo by Batrisyia Affendy - ig: @bataffendy |
A
couple of days ago, I was just sitting on the couch in my room when I heard a
'pop' notification sound coming from my phone. "Oh, someone sent me a
direct message on Twitter. Now, that's something rare at this time of the
year."
X: Hello there. Sorry for disturbing. May I ask you something?
Me: Hi. Yes sure.
X: I've followed you quite a long time before and I did read your blog. You inspire me in so many ways. And here I want to ask you
for tips on how to keep standing on the right track? Kalau rasa down, what would
you actually do to overcome it? And how do you manage your time between study
and other things?'
*It's
gonna be a little bit lengthy after this point, so bear with me okay.
Me: Firstly, thank you for reaching out to
me. It's good to know that some of the things that I've shared in my blog turns
out to be useful to someone.
For your first question, on how to
keep standing on the right track:
Firstly try to ask yourself:
- What pathway do you see as the right track? And why do you think so?
- Why does it matters for you to do that, and what do you expect to gain out of it?
- What will you have to give?
Then, when your objectives are clear, and you
understand the path that you're going to walk on, then step up by identifying your goals
and dreams. Personally, I think having
goals and dreams helps to keep me on the track. You can try doing this by:
- The short-term (1 year or less)
- Mid-term (2-3 years)
- Long-term (5 years and above)
2) Write them down somewhere. And try to be specific
in what you want to achieve. Also jot down what steps you can take towards
achieving them.
2nd question : What would I do bila
rasa down and unmotivated?
1) Try to
identify, kenapa rasa down? Is it because it just happens to be a bad day? Or
is it because there is something else that is bothering you?
- Kalau it's just a bad day, then learn to let it slides. After all, it's just a bad day.
- Kalau ada something else, try to solve it if you can.
- If it is something that is out of your control, then don't think too much about it.
Instead, focus on things that you can control, such as:
- What you can do about it?
- How do you respond to it?
2) Take a break from work/study and do something fun
or something that you like. Sometimes I like to take a walk, lepak kat taman,
or play games, or read light novels, or even drawing sometimes. Cooking is also
what I happen to do jugak. These small things can be a good therapy.
3) Ingat balik your goals and dreams, and why do you want to achieve them? Why are they important to you? Personally for me,
I came from a family yang biasa-biasa je. So, I really want to make things better
for everyone that is close to me. Hence, one of the reasons to why I am doing
what I am doing. Think
of your reasons and keep them close in your heart.
4) Last but not least, exercise or do something like
yoga. Sounds cliche, but these actually helps. Banyak dah research yang support
these. So, take some time to try them out!
3rd Question: How do i manage my
time between study and other things?
For this one, there are a couple of vital aspects that you need to know how to
take care of:
1) Time management:
- Have a calendar, digital or paper. I use both but mainly digital sebab senang boleh sync between devices.
- Write down activities that you typically do for every week, and sediakan satu white board or To-Do-List for you to write down the tasks that you want to complete for each day.
- Bahagikan masa kerja dan masa untuk diri dengan baik. I usually try to settle up assignments and chores masa siang by 5 or 6 p.m. So that malam ada masa untuk study, or read books, watch tv or do what I wanna do.
2) Discipline:
- When you say that you wanna do something, then do it.
- Try to settle up assignments or task a day or even before than the deadline.
3) Prioritize - Bila ada any conflicts in term of
what to do, know your priority and do the ones yang priority dia lebih tinggi.
Last but not least, a general advice: When you're
trying to start a new habit, for example having calendars and a To-Do List,
take them slowly. Try to do a selected few at a time, if not, 1 at a time. So
that you can adjust yourself accordingly and give yourself the time to get used
to it, and form that habit. I've been through this. I'm sure you had too. Bila
kita cuba nak buat semua benda sekaligus, usually it doesn't come out as good.
So, again, prioritize and take it at the right pace for you
Oh, and if you're in a difficulty, I pray and hope
that you'll get better, feel better and will be able to do things better. Cheer
up! :)
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You
see, I've said this before but I guess it just deserves another emphasis:
Many times, we are a good counselor for others, but a terrible one for ourselves. In other words, we are usually able to give good advice to people, but can't seem to say the same thing to ourselves when the time comes, or, getting ourselves to act on the words that we uttered.
Why?
I think one of the reasons to this problem is that, many things are easier said than done. Hence, when we give advice, it tends to be much easier because we wouldn't have to carry the burden of actually doing it. But at times when we actually need the same advice, we would either forget about it or fail to implement it.
One of the ways to beat this is by having a notebook, or any medium where you can write and keep the advice that you give to and receive from people. I have an Ask.FM account and up till this day, I've received so many questions with "How do I do this?", "How should I handle this?", so on and so forth.
Many times, I was able to give good answers. But I was usually more surprised at how the things that I've said turned out to be really useful to myself some time after that. For example, I really felt like I was giving advice to myself in the dialogue above although technically I was answering the questions that I've received on Twitter.
Another possible way is to always take a little time, like 5 minutes or so to reflect on the things that you've done, the state of your heart, and the things that you've said throughout the day before you get to your bed and sleep. I find constant reflection to be effective in maintaining my spirit and motivation to keep going on despite the challenges or circumstances.
Last but not least, always make du'a and ask your family and close friends to do the same. After all, to whom should we best seek help and depend on besides the One who sets, and allows everything to be in motion?
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